Venturing into Melbourne’s sprawling breakfast culture, it’s not uncommon to feel cheated at one point: four dollars for a single-shot coffee, a single translucent sliver of smoked salmon or a poached egg so overcooked it’d be more fitting on the putting green. Such larceny is banished at Breakfast Thieves, a tucked-away eatery where dishes are such a steal, you’ll be longing to pinch the recipes.
Following the warehouse-turned-industrial-chic aesthetic of so many other on-trend dining dens, Breakfast Thieves is decked out with timber communal tables and raised benches, exposed brick walls, bare hanging light bulbs and wooden panels. Views into the buzzing kitchen can be had from every perch. The menu is compact but a corker: from chunks of brioche French toast with peanut butter, candied bacon and lemon curd to crispy fried corn fritters with roasted fennel purée, there is fare to tickle every tastebuds.
Named after its most discerning savant, the Goldilocks porridge trumped all other oaty offerings I’d ever had before. A hodge-podge of vanilla-speckled oats and organic quinoa, the rib-sticking porridge was hot, creamy and sweet – a spectacular remedy to the dreary weather outside. The oats and quinoa were beautifully cooked: not too soft so they became an indistinguishable mush and not too grainy. Thin sticks of julienned rhubarb were slightly tart – I thought I caught a hint of ginger too – and sat alongside a handful of macerated strawberries, which, when pressed ever-so-gently with the back of a spoon, released a puddle of ruby-red juices. Two batons of bruleed banana were reminiscent of banoffee pie: sticky, sweet and caramel. Stems of micro herbs offered a fresh, savoury element. Goldilocks clearly never had this porridge. Otherwise she never would have left.
If, like Mother, you often have trouble tossing up between hot or cold, sweet or savoury, breathe a sigh of relief. Breakfast Thieves has thought of you. Enter the Breakfast Chain, a boardful of boiled eggs, cheesy toast soldiers, fruit crumble and yoghurt. Like a petite three-course meal with entrée, main and dessert all crafted from breakfast fare. Mother began with the two soft-boiled eggs, dipping the fingers of toast, blanketed with melted English cheddar, into the gooey yolks. The cheese had just enough bite, and the platoon of soldiers was crisp and golden. The piping hot quince and apple crumble was moreish and sweet; the chunks of short crumble were sensational and the quince shone against the subtle apple. To finish, Mother polished off the oat-topped yoghurt, and was delighted to find ruby-red fruit compote hidden at the base of the glass. For Mother, everything she could ever want in a breakfast was on the Breakfast Chain – and maybe that’s why she hasn’t stopped talking about it since.
Our coffees at Breakfast Thieves, unfortunately, did not live up to their foodie counterparts. Breakfast Thieves creates their brews from STREAT beans. STREAT is the only non-profit roaster in Australia and offers three blends: a signature Social Blend, the darker Deluxe Blend and single origin. My strong café latte was watery, not creamy, and blah rather than bold. Mother was in a similar boat with her long black, which lacked flavour and the robust notes she favours.
Straight from the Mother There was no sight of Ali Baba or his sticky-finger companions at this thievery-themed eatery. Breakfast Thieves proves you don’t need a novel of a menu to lure the hungry and thirsty. It was a stroke of genius to have the communal tables flank the kitchen pass: it’s the perfect opportunity to spy on your neighbour’s meals, strike up a conversation and maybe make a last-minute meal change.
Breakfast Thieves
Shop 1, 420 Gore Street, Fitzroy
(03) 9416 4884
Mother Says 